Safety
If your relationship feels unsafe
Nearly everything on this site assumes two people who are safe with each other and stuck. That assumption doesn't always hold. If you're afraid of your partner — or you've started managing your own behaviour to avoid their reaction — this is a different problem, and it needs a different kind of help than coaching.
In immediate danger right now?
Call your local emergency number — 911 (US/Canada), 999 (UK/Ireland), 000 (Australia), 112 (most of Europe). If it isn't safe to speak, many services support silent calls, text and online chat.
Signs worth taking seriously
Abuse isn't only physical, and it rarely looks like the version in films. Any one of these is reason enough to talk to someone trained.
- You change what you say, wear or do to manage their reaction.
- You've been pushed, grabbed, blocked from leaving a room, or hurt — even once.
- Sex happens when you don't want it, because refusing costs too much.
- Your money, phone, car, documents or contact with friends and family are controlled.
- You're threatened — with leaving, with the children, with exposure, with harm to you, themselves or a pet.
- You're told you're imagining it, and you've started to believe them.
- You feel afraid in your own home.
What to do next
- 1
If you're in immediate danger, call emergency services
911 in the US and Canada, 999 in the UK and Ireland, 000 in Australia, 112 across most of the EU. Getting help now matters more than getting it perfectly.
- 2
Talk to a specialist advocate, not a coach
The helplines below are free, confidential, and staffed by people trained in exactly this. They will not tell you what to do, and talking to them commits you to nothing.
- 3
Tell one person you trust
Isolation is what makes this hardest to leave. One friend, family member, doctor or colleague who knows changes the odds.
- 4
Cover your digital tracks if you're being monitored
Use a device your partner can't access, browse privately, and clear your history. Most of the services below explain how to do this safely on their sites.
- 5
Plan before you act, if you can
Advocates help with safety planning: documents, money, somewhere to go, and the safest timing. Leaving is often the most dangerous moment, which is why planning with help matters.
Free confidential helplines
These are long-standing national services. They're free, they're confidential, and you don't have to have decided anything before you call.
United States
National Domestic Violence Hotline
24/7, free and confidential. Call, chat online, or text START to 88788.
1-800-799-7233www.thehotline.orgUnited States
RAINN — National Sexual Assault Hotline
24/7 support for sexual assault, including assault by a partner.
1-800-656-4673www.rainn.orgUnited States
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
24/7 crisis support if you're in emotional distress or thinking about suicide.
988988lifeline.orgUnited Kingdom
Refuge — National Domestic Abuse Helpline
Free, 24-hour helpline for women and anyone worried about abuse.
0808 2000 247www.nationaldahelpline.org.ukUnited Kingdom
Respect Men's Advice Line
Confidential support for men experiencing domestic abuse.
0808 8010 327mensadviceline.org.ukCanada
Talk Suicide Canada / crisis services
24/7 crisis support; local shelters and provincial lines are listed on their site.
988988.caAustralia
1800RESPECT
National 24/7 sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service.
1800 737 732www.1800respect.org.auIreland
Women's Aid National Freephone Helpline
24-hour national freephone helpline for domestic abuse.
1800 341 900www.womensaid.ieFor city-level help — local crisis lines, sexual health clinics and support groups — see the local support resources directory.
Elsewhere in the world, search for your country's national domestic abuse helpline, or ask a doctor or emergency service to connect you with local support.
Why coaching isn't the answer here
Coaching — including mine — works by getting two people to be more honest and more vulnerable with each other. When one person isn't safe, that honesty can be used against them, and joint work can make things more dangerous rather than less. Specialist advocates and licensed clinicians are trained for this; coaches are not. If you're unsure which kind of help you need, read what an intimacy coach actually helps with — it's explicit about where coaching stops.
This page is educational information, not emergency, legal or medical advice. Helpline details are published by the organisations listed and can change; check their sites for current hours and contact options.